Nearly Hair
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Finding a Partner #naturalhair

Monday, January 24, 2011

I am such a frequent poster of curly nikki and so while i was on there last month i was determined to understand how other women felt about the concept of natural hair and relationships.

Me: Hey ladies, so for my blog i am thinking about doing an article or short blurbs on finding a partner. I just would like some personal opinions on hair and partnership.
For me personally, I feel as if since i went natural i see men in a new light. I feel like a automatically label men as shallow and not worth my time if they think my natural hair is ugly or unkempt. Now this may not seem like a problem at first... BUT i started to generalize this to all men if i dont even get a look my way. Yes it may be my ego getting in the way, but i feel like i have been brain washed into thinking that natural hair girls wont find partners, or it is hard to find one.
I also noticed that since going natural i look more in the direction of men with Dreads... shhh(this has always been my guilty pleasure though)!! lol IDK, i mean i am not saying all guys hate naturals because granted i was in a relationship and went natural and my boyfriend didnt mind my hair, BUT at the same time i have to take into account that i was with him for some years and breaking up with me because of my hair would have been shallow on his part. 

So ladies, do you think it is harder to find a man or partner while LWN (living while Natural), or do you feel like it hasn't affected you?
Has Your preference in men changed?
FOR MARRIED ladies, have your husbands commented on your natural hair and approaching you in the beginning of the relationship as a hindrerance?

Their responses:

"I am not dating right now but I havent noticed a difference I get alot of compliments from women & men it appears that the men like my hair I love the way I look & if u exude confidence to a man I dont think that he will even care if you are natural or not"

"Hmm. A little off topic, but I feel that sometimes women with natural hair judge men who don't completely LOVE natural hair aswell. I mean, why do they have to love it too? Lol. I think its beautiful when they can understand/appreciate the choice and lifestyle behind it, but it should still be okay for them to have a preference when it comes to appearance. Not that their preference/opinion is of any importance lol. But I just get sick of hearing women judge and fire up men just because they don't like how natural hair looks. So what? Lol. *jumps off soap box--

My response: Its not off topic at all... and i was guilty of this in my beginning stages Embarassed but i recently came to the conclusion that i thought this because i was insecure of my own appearance and needed some type of validation. And you are completely right men should still have a right to a preference and understand womens choices at the same time"


"I don't think it's harder to find a man. I cut my hair back in 2001 and keep a short fro for years! When I first cut it I thought it would cause men to back off. But, I did not experience that."


"My preference of men has not changed.

I've been in a relationship now for 4 years, (as of January 2011), and he really likes my hair, however like Mangos&bananas stated he does not have to. I do think it would be difficult if he did not; just as it would be difficult if I did not like his appearance..."


"That one is kinda tough...since I lived in cities where there is a significant natural hair population (Chicago and ATL) and I have been natural a little over half my life, I haven't run into problems finding a mate LWN because I've pretty much been LWN throughout my dating career, so it hasn't affected me to my knowledge.

As I've gotten older, my preference in men has changed, I know this might be an indicator of my age or something...I'm typically not drawn to men with braided hair (loced hair-sure, braided-eh...if it makes you happy, but i wouldn't tell the man to change it), the styles are beautiful if well taken care of, but its just not for me. My current beau is just happy that he gets to play in and wash my hair because his ex-wife would nearly read him the riot act about messing with her hair. I told him play all you want...but don't be upset if i'm snoring in your lap."


"My DH and I have been married for two years. We have been together four. I believe my hair was blowdried and flat ironed when we met. I did not begin to wear it in its natural state until February '09 (about six months after the wedding). In the beginning of wearing it natural, he would not comment. A few months later when I found the right products or at least learned how to use my products, he confided in me that it took some getting use to. 

It was not until a few weeks ago, that he even touched my hair without prompting. He commented that he knew not to touch a black woman's hair. Recently, I discussed a hair related matter with him, and he asked me not to proceed. Please know I take his thoughts into consideration but the decision is mine."


"I don't know if it makes it harder or not, but I do think about how I'd explain the lengthy hair routine to a new person. I mean, how do you tell someone to occupy themselves for 4 hours while you wash, DC, twist and dry?! And in the early stages, the amount of subterfuge that would have to go on (twisting up after we have our fun? slipping the scarf off before he wakes up? getting up early to fluff and style?) seems exhausting! It's a bridge I'll have to cross soon (hopefully!), but I haven't figured it out yet..."


"Well, if a guy accepts "You" for "You", the hair should NOT matter (at least make sure it's descent, lol)

When I met my NOW Fiance, I had a weaved in pony-tail with twisties... I then switched to "singles", then a weave, then corn rows, then Kinky Twists (which is his personal favorite), then went back to weaves... 

Whatever style I had, he enjoyed (to my knowledge, lol)....

But every since I did my research on CurlyNikki, and did the BC in November, he has fallin in love with my natural hair... I wear Lace Front's to work, but since the BC, he wants to see my natural curls 24/7...

My point is... Regardless of what hair-style he dis-liked, he never made any negative comments... He supported me with every style...

Although, now that I have sworn off of weaves, he admitted that he didn't really care for them, but didn't want to say anything, lol"



So ladies...what are your opinions on this issue? I wanna know, leave a comment =)

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  1. My husband LOVES my hair, he has always loved my the beginning while we we dating I would change it up with color, press outs, small twists, braids and afros. you name it I had it. He liked that I was so versital but it was mainly because he loved me.

  2. I know I'm veering off topic but...I am relaxed and I feel that I would never date a man who had strong opinions borderline blatant prejudice and ignorance towards any physical feature. Men who only date natural hair women because they feel relaxed women are shallow are just as bad as men who only date women with straight hair because they think it's more feminine and/or beautiful.


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