Nearly Hair
“Nothing, is what it appears to be, when it's only with your eyes you see.”
― N'Zuri Za Austin

NatSuns Advice: Feeling ugly with a TWA is okay….

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Via Natural Sunshine
Pulled blog story

It's Okay To Feel Ugly With a Baby TWA (Teeny Weeny Afro)! I Know I Do...


I am here to set the record straight...Just because you don't find a certain length of hair attractive on yourself, does not mean your hate your hair texture. Just because you opt not to do a drastic big chop and choose to transition for a whole year before cutting the relaxed ends does not mean you are less "committed" to your natural hair or the natural hair acceptance movement. I believe it means one thing and one thing only, you do not like the way you look with short hair and no matter what the texture, you believe longer hair suits you better than short hair. Period.
I have a baby TWA and I admit it, I felt ugly in it. Seeing myself with the beginnings of an afro made me more than a little uncomfortable. For the record, I  have "been there and done that", and I have already had the experience of growing my hair out from a fade. This is not my first time with a baby TWA. But, a couple weeks ago, I was walking around feeling ugly, asking my husband to weigh in on how ugly I was with my TWA and looking for ways to drop out of this natural hair thing all together...
Does that mean I hate my hair? Does it mean I have yet to really accept it? No! I love my hair. I love my hair texture. I have no issues about it whatsoever, but what I am not in love with is the awkward phase I'm in. I don't have a fade, I don't have a full TWA with a few styling options. All I have is in between awkward un-styled hair.
At first I thought my dislike was cause for concern, I considered removing myself from NatSun while getting myself together (LOL!). But then I calmed down and I gave myself a gift. I gave myself permission to relate to my hair on a personal level and not as an obligation to others. What I mean is, I gave myself permission to feel ugly and not chastise myself for "letting down" other naturals while doing so. I gave my hair permission to just be hair and not a political or social statement. And when I did that,I saw it for what it was...hair that needed a style or a pair of scissors to be up to my personal standards of styling. Nothing more nothing less.

TWA circa 2009
How does this fit into the post I wrote, No Matter What Stage You're At in Your Natural Journey, "Own it" &a..., you ask...
Despite the fact that I do not feel all that attractive with this length of hair, I have decided not to let it hold me hostage either in my house, under a wig or wrapped up all the time. I have decided that my hair does not have the power to make me any less beautiful than I am when my hair is in the style I prefer. I do wear my hair out from time to time and I hold my head up high. I am just about out of my awkward phase and in the photos above (taken today), I was feeling like I can honestly say I am beginning to enjoy my hair. It is now long enough that my curls are beginning to show and I have a little texture coming out. It is  a lot better than it was a few weeks ago when it was shorter and blah!
So my question to  you is, how did you make it though your awkward phase? Have you felt guilty over not liking the way you look in a baby TWA? Have you ever accused someone of hating their hair because they didn't feel comfortable with a TWA? Do you have a TWA right now and relate to what I am saying here?
Weigh in! Thanks for reading! I look forward to reading your comments.
Much Love,
Sunshine Abuwi
P.S.
Check out the corresponding video as well! I vlogged about it :-) http://naturalsunshine.ning.com/video/it-s-okay-to-feel-ugly-in-a-twa
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5 comments

  1. You are saying everything I am feeling right now. I just BC'd in July and have this awkward too short to style, too long to slick down situation. I was wearing it in braids (that kept slipping out because the length is too short) but now I've just decided that I'll be funny looking for a little bit. I look at it as an opportunity to up my makeup and accessories game

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  2. I am feeling everything you are saying right now and have not yet had the Big Chop but due the the current state of my hair I feel that it is an inevitable fate for me to have the Big Chop soon. I have never liked myself with short hair and have always had braids/weaves or wigs in. I relaxed my hair early this year and wore it in a short pixie style for a while and I sort of liked it but my fiancé has always preferred me with long hair particularly braids and I have to say I do to. Problem is my hair is short at the back that the braids just constantly slide out after about a week. I am terrified of having the big chop and wearing my hair in a TWA I use to think of myself as a pretty confident person but this situation has made me realize that I'm really not all that confident in myself at all!!!

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    1. If this was two years ago I would have said just do it! But knowing what I know now i'll share this, it takes patience and its okay to acknowledge that you are not confident because that's how we begin in the efforts to build confidence. Everyone has insecurities in some aspects of their life. For me I still to this day don't feel comfortable wearing certain hairstyles because not every style looks good for everyone.

      I think you should style your hair in a manner where you can begin to build your confidence. Try your hair out for a day then out it away. then try it out for two days then put it away. Start in increments because sometimes flooding with something entirely new too your look may not be the answer. Just know you are not the only one on this. YOu may like yourself with long hair and that's fine. You don't have to big chop. it's NOT A MUST. As long as you care for your hair as you transition you should be fine love. I hope this helps.

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  3. I can relate with you so much. I did the big chop beginning of this year because I was so tired of the relax ends. Now I'm in predicament where I feel ugly with short hair but everyone says I look good in it. I'm use to wearing wigs and just looking good with long hair. In my life all I ever know that long hair looks pretty on me. My boyfriend loves my natural hair that is twa but I can't love myself with it because I'm just scared. I know other people opinions don't matter but I'm scared to go out the house with short hair.

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    1. I can 100% relate and the hardest part was indeed convincing myself that I looked fine without the long hair. It's hard because we are so used to pur preferences so change makes everything uncomfortable. Lucky for you, it sounds like you have a great support system in your corner rooting for you. I think this is ordinary and normal to have these feelings because you have lost a part of you that is no longer there. I think the only way i overcame wearing my hair out was to really just wear it out. Of course in the beginning I overcompensated with like hoop earrings and more attractive makeup but it really is an adjustment period.

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