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― N'Zuri Za Austin

How to Love Your Spouse

Wednesday, February 7, 2018



Me: "Hey babe how was your day"

Him: "Hard, I’ve worked all day I’m ready to kick up my feet and eat. How was your day?

Me: "Brandon had an accident at school again so I had to pick him up and Ashley is still sick... on top of that I didn’t have time to work on the business as I’d like"

Him: "oh... but weren’t you home?"

Me: "yea but I was busy with the kids..."

Him: "so dinner isn’t ready huh?..."

Me: "no Carl it’s not..."

Him: "I hope you’re not expecting me to make dinner I just had a 16 hour shift..."

Me: "..."

Does this sound familiar to anyone? If there's one thing I’ve learned in my past year of marriage, then it's that marriage most certainly doesn’t get easier after you say “I do” but instead it’s gets challenging.


Marriage is like an obstacle course through love. There will be some easy terrains and then some mucky hills.


So how do you love your spouse?

I have three life lessons that will prepare your endurance through the love obstacle course.


Lesson one:

Practice Gratitude!

All too often we are quick to point out a fault in our counterpart before we acknowledge their strengths. It becomes a lot easier to love your spouse when you practice frequent gratitude exchanges.

For example:

Me: "I’m grateful for the time you put in at work"
Him: "wow I’m so thankful for a wife that can care for Brandon so well"

Yes there are times the person may offend us and we find it hard to even inhale a good thought about them but we have to make allowance for each other's faults and forgive our spouses to we can operate in love and gratefulness.


These frequent exchanges in gratitude will serve as a harnesses for your heart during your love course

Lesson 2:

Sacrificing is vital

At some point in your relationship you will be challenged to perform a task or service that you rather pass on.

It’s in our sacrifices that we practice true love. Sacrifice means that we put someone’s else’s wants and desires above our own! Sacrifice is apart of obedience and obedience communicates love.

Perhaps you worked a 16 hour day and your spouse wants to you to accompany her to a work event. Will you pass on the event or will you stand by her side?

So what’s the bottom line?


I’m sure your spouse will understand that you need the rest but your sacrifice will communicate love more than anything else. Your sacrifice will ground you and serve as the best pair of trotting boots you’ll ever have.


Lesson 3:

Love yourself

No matter the situation, you can’t operate in true love without loving yourself first.

You’ll do a disservice to not only yourself but others if you aren’t practicing self love. What are you doing for yourself to remain the best version of you?

How much time are you putting into yourself to be the best wife or husband you can be?

Let’s face it...

No one wants to be married to someone who can’t care for themselves. When you love yourself to your highest potential then you’ll be able to love others with ease.

Self love is the water and hydration you’ll need to finish the lover obstacle course. It replenishes your energy.

After utilizing these three lessons this is how the conversation transforms...


Me: "Hey babe how was your day"
Him: "Hard I’ve worked all day I’m ready to kick up my feet and eat. How was your day?"

Me: "Brandon had an accident at school again so I had to pick him up and Ashley is still sick... on top of that I didn’t have time to work on the business as I’d like"

Him: "oh but weren’t you home?"

Me: "yea but I was busy with the kids..."

Him: "so dinner isn’t ready huh?..."

Me: "no Carl it’s not..."

Him: "Since we’re both tired let’s get take out sounds good?"

Me: "Absolutely!"

"Above all else clothe yourself in love which binds use together in perfect harmony" Colossians 3:13

How do you love your spouse or partner? Tell me below I’d love to hear your stories. Be sure to share this with a friend!

*Article submitted to badasamother.com as part of the 14 Days of Love series.
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